Ignorance is Your New Best Friend

Today's idea:

'You treat me just like another stranger. Well it's nice to meet you sir. I guess I'll go. I best be on my way out.'

People today need to learn a valuable lesson. Its always about words. People are silly enough to believe they have no power, but use the wrong words at the wrong time and in the wrong order and you can make yourself implode.

This is a truth.

Telling me to be something or do something has an adverse effect on me. Call it years of living with my parents telling me and pointing out the things and pieces of my personality that bothered them, never even bothering to accept me. I think that was the issue all along perhaps, that my parents couldn't never accept the quirks to my personality. They could accept my perfectionism, my fear of desicions, my ability to be strong when no one else is, and other things... but they couldn't accept the fact that I couldn't care about the things they did--how I looked, my extreme moments of sarcasm, or even take a second to see who I was, to look past the front.

So when someone else does the same thing. It angers me. I lose patience quickly. I'm not changing or acting nicer because you demand it to be so. My parents couldn't do that, why the hell would I let you? I mean really, come on. You at least are supposed to know better... or so I believed.

'This is the best thing that could've happened. Any longer and I wouldn't have made it. It's not a war. No, it's not a rapture. I'm just a person, but you can't take it...'

Friendship is accepting another for everything they are. FRIENDHIP is ACCEPTANCE. You hear that world? Effin acceptance. Something this world clearly evidently LACKS. Royally.

And acting out for attention, will get you no where. I have pride. Damn me, but I do. I bow my head for friendship. I damned well do. And I realize that friendship gives an opening to wounds that are already sore and open, and I bow my head--but the minute you cross me, the minute you stab the open wound, it's done. This is what we term as 'crossing the line'.

'The same tricks that, that once fooled me. They won't get you anywhere. I'm not the same kid from your memory. Well, Now I can fend for myself.'

Its kinda silly because at first it was just the anger that stung, but then the words got stuck in my head. 'Well you can just forget--' 'Well you can forget--' 'Well you can forget--' 'Well you can forget--' ...like a little rhythm of their own, and years of the same words playing as a background to all the misery and the feelings of pent up resentment came flooding back. See what I mean about words? The wrong words, in the wrong order, at the wrong time--created the wrong effect, because what I feel like doing is clawing out your eyes and using them as a marker for anyone else who comes closer. Anger much? Yes, plenty. Again, wrong words, wrong order, wrong time--because all its managed to do is remind me of the things I should rather forget and the people who've done the me the most harm.

And to that all I have is,

'I'll guess I'll go. I'll be best on my way out.'

Apparently I've overstayed my welcome.

;} -This has been the Dizzy, messing up as usual. :}

How Could You Be So Heartless?

Don't get mislead.

For that sort of thing, I'd have to have a heart. And frankly, I lack one--if not the whole thing. Then most of it.

Make use of the pieces then.

Eh, nah. I rather like being heartless right now.

;} -This has been the Dizzy, cruel as ever. PEACE.

Crack the Shutters Open Wide

Today's idea:

Karma.

Seriously. I realize why I became your friend. I miss the you you were... is it silly to want her back. Behind the fake I think you're still there. You were happier weren't you? Was what you have now worth it? Is using everyone better for you? Don't you see? No one wants to be close to you anymore if you're only going to use people. And the truth of the matter is that if you don't see this soon, I'll probably give up on you too. I just want my friend back. The one that cared, the one that drove to Walmart to buy card games just so she could teach me how to play, the one that hung out with me because she could, not because I offered or she needed me for something. I want the friend that put her heart into her friendship--not the one that's been hanging around.

And it sucks, because now, I'm going to have to be me--the cruel girl who can tear people to ribbons with ease. I have to try, don't ask me why, I just have to try. Perhaps because the girl that you were meant more to me then I thought. That friend, I can still see her. The one who had her heart in everything, not the empty one who can't even spare time.

And I have to try, and try, and try. Don't ask me why. But I have to, because I want to. I want her back, my dearest friend.

And I have to chuck out these feelings, all the tears I'm stuffing on the inside into a pen--because I have to be me now. I have to show no feeling, no soul--I have to be this fake thing you are and switch places, because maybe, this time it will be enough. Maybe, being you will finally make you see the things you're doing to the world around you. Its empty and it isn't saving you.

And you, laugh at me. Laugh at me now. Because I love you. HAHAHA. Oh I do. Laugh at me. Because truly, I've been silly. I thought, pssha, done and gone. I was just being holding on to something silly--but I care far more than I should. And if it doesn't kill me now, it's going to. Down that damn rabbit hole again. And somehow I think she's wrong, perhaps I should just fall into this... why not? It isn't like I have a heart to lose--because really it is rather dark in there. I've never experienced it anyway, so at this rate, if i fall down the hole I might actually get to see what the bottom is like.

I want to see, to live--make that mistake myself I guess. Again, what's there left to lose?

Eventually I'll lose it all.

'Its been minutes, its been days, its been all I will remember--'

But I at least want the ride, the rush of it all. The rush of everything I can't see.

I haven't forgotten the promise I made to myself. I'll keep it. I want to. Either way that was the deal I made. Deal with the devil much. I got my wish, now there's a price to pay.

Eh, no such thing as a free lunch, right?

;} -This has been the Dizzy,  sinking her own ship. TTFN!

Electric Hearts or Lack of One

Today's idea:

Be proud to know that disaster has not struck. Crisis averted?

Don't explain to me how, but it just fell perfectly into place. Let's keep it like that.

I have so much to say, but no words. I just want to fly into the sky,

'Throw your hands to the sky like you're flying.'

Its all I got.

;} -This has been the Dizzy, flying in the sky.

Behold! the Dizzy

Posted Behold! the Dizzy.

It is now officially on the blog as an official mascot (?), I guess! Whoot. Whoot.

;} -This has been the Dizzy, whoot! Whoot!

Smile Though Your Heart is Breaking

Today's idea:

Why is it that we struggle?

Well, let me rephrase that. It’s not quite struggle but move against the awesome current. I was reading a friend of mine's blog. And her thoughts were filled with pain for having lost someone she loved, she wanted them back knowing that she couldn't have him back. She said that one day he would realize what it was like to have her and feel sorry for what he'd done...but really he won't. No one ever hardly does. And that's the truth. People leave and hardly ever look back, except for the ones who end up left behind and picking up the scrambled pieces of their fragile hearts.

Is there a point to such suffering? I hardly think so.

Even as I stand at the brink of possible disaster, do I dare step in. Nor do I move back. I stand there watching the time pass before me knowing that eventually that disaster will swallow me in and take me whole, only to spit me back up and leave me scrambling for the pieces. Again, and again, and again. And I would say that if this is life, I would want no part of it--but I would be lying to myself. This is why we allow it to happen again and again, because maybe if it happens so many times it'll get to a point that we'll learn not stare the disaster in the face and let it swallow us. Maybe there's a different ending, but I hardly know that now. All I know is what I see before me, the black whole of disaster threatening to stop me now. This disaster that I have no control over to stop, this disaster is the making of others. The most I can do is steel myself and look forward bravely, since I have been told that bravery is a trait that many admire. But if nothing else, at least it’ll serve me as a mask to hide behind. Take of that what you will.

I would post my excellent work of art that perhaps tempted the fates, but I feel that I should wait and see where my disaster leaves me in the end before I do so. If nothing else, it will be interesting to see for sweet, sweet irony.

;} -This has been the Dizzy, in and out and everywhere in between.

Goal of the Day--> to Venture and Gain

So I had the brilliant idea to email my request. Sure it may have been a wee bit eccentric and ridiculous, but what I dear ask is the point of asking nicely when its boring?

Two things will occur, either it will not work due to the huh, crazy factor or interest will grow on this persona called the Dizzy and perhaps my request will be accepted.


Either way. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Its all worth a shot.

;} -This has been the Dizzy, sinking her own ship.

Putting this to Some Sort of Use

BAMN!

So perhaps I have decided to put this old thing to use, more importantly its just to basically talk endlessly about all the pssha and oomph in my head...I know, you have to hear it too? Yeah, too bad.

Back on topic, I used to do some [key word some] book reviews on here, but I feel this blog can be put to better use by concentrationg the the things theDizzy does best. So instead I re-christen this blog to serve theDizzy in her dizzying needs and plan to christen a new blog dedication solely to the nonense that is my entertainment.

But stick around. I promise some interesting things to tell... and if anything, I at least know interesting. [wink]


So Behold! to theDizzy, and um... welcome back?





;} -This has been the Dizzy, back! and out!